Elizabeth Wood's family says "Thank you"

The outpouring of support after Brian Woods was killed in August 2009 amazed and touched Elizabeth's family. An untold number of people reached out and surrounded them with care, love and support. Elizabeth doesn't know the names of many who helped her through her grief.

Her sister, Jennifer Burns of Marvin, asked me to relay a message of thanks:

"Your act of kindness, no matter how slight it seemed to you, made a significant difference in helping us move through the grieving process. We know that many of you were grieving too, which makes your words and gifts all the more special. Each and every person who touched our lives over the last year will always hold a special place in our hearts. Each and every member of the military will always have our admiration and respect. Thank you."

Still the same, only stronger

As Brian Woods was being kept alive on life support in a hospital in Germany, Elizabeth wondered aloud: Without you, who am I?

This week, a little over a year after he died, I asked Elizabeth how she would answer the question now. This is what she said:


"I would probably define myself as a person who is now stronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm still the same woman that Brian knew and loved, but I also have a new level of wisdom about the fragility of life.

"I also don't get as upset about some of the "smaller" things in life anymore. I can always say, 'it could be worse.' It gives me a new perspective about not wasting too much time over issues that used to cause me more stress.


"I've also learned a lesson in how little control we have in life. We can choose how we react or respond to things, but we do not have a choice in how life unfolds in many cases. We have to learn to make the most out of what we have.


"I think that through Brian, I learned the important lesson of pushing forward and not giving up just because things get hard. I think I have always had that outlook, but through losing half of my family, I understand what it takes.


"I also look at my Ella and know that I want to provide the best life for her. She gives me such a strong drive and motivation to continue to make the most of life.

"I've also gained more confidence since Brian's passing. Because I've been forced to handle so much, it's given me a bit more of an edge, and I'm not fearful of much anymore. I used to be nervous speaking in front of people, but compared to losing a family member, it's a piece of cake. Things that used to seem like a big deal, just aren't anymore.

"So, I guess I would say that I'm still the same person, but more determined. I've always been a person who likes to be busy, and was always searching for a purpose. I feel that I've found it now ... to help other women through the path of widowhood."

Brian confronts the horrors of war

The last time Elizabeth Woods saw her husband, Brian, alive was the last time they talked by webcam.

Brian didn't look good.

He had been working in the base hospital in Afghanistan for nearly 36 hours, and he was exhausted. He told her about treating wounded men with severed limbs and exploded body parts.

Elizabeth heard a weight in his voice that had never been there. His face looked pale and sallow. His eyes had dark circles around them. His hair stuck out in all directions, disheveled.

"It was incredibly hard seeing him that way," Elizabeth said. "He could barely keep his eyes open. I felt bad even keeping him up on the computer, but he still wanted to see me despite the fact that he was nearly falling over."

Because Brian was a medic, she said, he wasn't easily upset by unpleasant sights. But no matter how much training soldiers have, nothing can prepare them for the horrors of war. "He admitted to me that after some of the things he saw at the hospital, that it definitely shook him up a bit," Elizabeth said. "It was hard on him."

Brian's sister, Catrina Kelemen, also noticed a difference. "I know that he loved his job and his purpose in life was to be an Army man," she said, "but he had also found a new purpose in being a father to his beautiful daughters and a husband to his adoring wife and that made this time different for him."

Brian was at war, something he trained for his whole life. But his heart and soul, she said, were at home.